you know those times when God makes it crystal clear that he has something that he wants you to focus on learning, and then he seems to tell everyone else around you to tell you that you need to focus on learning that specific thing? that is what i have been experiencing these last 3 months. at this moment 5 people in 5 different places have shared that they felt God was calling me to learn to rest and be still in him, basically to focus on being, and not doing.
i thought i had learned that. i have certainly heard it taught on enough times, or so i thought. but it is one of those things that i haven't ever fully realized.
as i look back at my life i have realized that so much of it has been focused on doing. i would live for the next big adventure. and fall apart when those dreams died. one of those dreams, teaching a children in crisis school, has come and gone so many times that i was tired of having my heart broken and ready to stop dreaming all together. as i have been in colorado this last month and a half i feel like God has asked me not to look forward yet. the first few weeks of that was especially hard as i realized that i felt i had no purpose if i had no goal or adventure to live for. i had to face the crisis of "what is my purpose today?" God reminded me again last night (via dave blakeslee) that he is still teaching me what stillness and being look like. i realize now that i need to focus on learning to be, and all the rest will fall into place as i abide in Christ.
